How to Respond to "Don't talk to me like that, Mommy!"

“Don’t talk to me like that, Mommy”

I’m sure you’ve all heard this or something like it before when giving directions in your firm voice. It can be super frustrating! I sometimes want to say, “I’ll talk to you any way I want!” But, I know that he says it because he’s uncomfortable and seeking some control (also why they laugh or run away!). 

So in response I say, “I think you feel uncomfortable when I use this voice. That’s ok. You can handle it. You are not in trouble. I need you to hear my words.” Then, I’ll add, “I think you want to be in charge.I am in charge of my body and my voice. You are in charge of yours. You can _______ or ______.” (Whatever the limit may be).

Whenever I use the “you’re not in trouble” line, I always get asked, “but what if they are in trouble?” What does it mean to be “in trouble”? Do you want your child to know they did something wrong? They got that. Do you want your child to know you are angry? They got that too. And, if we overplay that anger, they learn what to do to push our buttons (subconsciously!). 

Let’s let go of this notion that our kids need to “be in trouble” in order to learn a lesson. Discipling is teaching what IS appropriate. You have to be smart and firm in your limit setting. Tell them what’s acceptable and help them follow through if they struggle. I post about this a lot and I’m here to help if you need it!