Say This, Not That: "Stop Whining"

I think whining is a top 5 parent/teacher pet peeve. What do y’all think?

Max’s favorite whiny line is “I want a snaaaaaaack.” When he wants a snack (which is several times a day) he goes into whine-mode from the get-go and it irks me every time. He knows it, so it’s been a hard habit to break. There are lots of other whining incidents too!

When he whines to get something he wants, I stay neutral, prompt him to ask/tell me again in his REGULAR voice (not “normal voice” - we want to avoid sending the message that anything he does isn’t normal. Whining is normal, it’s just annoying!), and repeat back his words in the appropriate tone. As your kiddo gets older or as they get used to the prompt, you can simply say, “try that again” or “try that again in your regular voice” without repeating their words. 

“I want a snaaaaaack.” —> “try that again in your regular voice, ‘I’d like a snack, mommy.’”

If your child is whining because they have to wait for something (slide 3) or do something they don’t want to do (slide 4), acknowledge the feeling, set the limit that whining won’t work to change the situation, and provide an alternative. Prompt them to take a break, they can go whine in their room, or you can stop acknowledging it after you’ve addressed it once and carry on with what you are doing (be strong!). 

When our kids do something we don’t like or that’s inappropriate, instead of using the negative commands like “don’t/stop/no (insert any undesired behavior)”, we need to focus on what we DO want them to do instead. Offer the appropriate alternative so they can learn. Simply telling them that what they are doing is unacceptable doesn’t teach anything and can create a power struggle. 

Reach out with questions if I can help! Check out my story highlight “whining” for more details.